If you’re a high-achieving leader in midlife and you’re feeling burned out, there’s a good chance someone has already offered you a variety of well-meaning solutions.
Take a break.
Delegate more.
Get better boundaries.
Try yoga. (Which beats the try the 5am club suggestion.)
And to be fair, some of those things might help a little. A holiday can take the edge off. Better boundaries do make a difference. But if you’ve done all that and still feel flat, restless, or quietly disengaged, it’s time to look elsewhere.
Because for many leaders at this stage of life, burnout isn’t about how much they’re doing. It’s about how out of sync their work and leadership have become with who they are now.
When the Old Explanation Stops Working
One of the reasons this kind of burnout is so confusing is that it doesn’t fit the usual narrative.
You might not be working longer hours than you used to. You might even have more autonomy, seniority, or flexibility than ever before. And so on paper, things look fine, even enviable.
And yet something feels off.
There’s a tiredness that doesn’t lift, even after time off. A lack of spark where there used to be drive. A sense of going through the motions while a quieter voice inside keeps asking questions you don’t have neat answers to (or any answers for that matter).
That’s often when the internal commentary ramps up.
Why am I struggling when I should be grateful?
Have I lost my edge?
What the heck is wrong with me, cos my workload isn’t that mental?
These questions usually rest on an outdated story. One that says if you’re capable, experienced, and successful, you should be able to keep going indefinitely with the same energy and enthusiasm. But that story doesn’t leave any room for growth.
The Story That Got You Here (Needs Updating)
Most high-achieving leaders, especially women, have been running on a powerful internal narrative for decades. It often sounds something like:
If I work hard, stay capable, and don’t make too much fuss, I’ll be safe, respected, and successful.
And for a long time, that story works.
It helps you build a career. Earns trust and it gets results.
The problem isn’t that the story was wrong. The problem is that it was never meant to be permanent.
Midlife has a way of surfacing that mismatch. You start to notice that the rules you’ve been living by don’t quite fit anymore. The identity you’ve been wearing feels tight around the edges. What once felt motivating now feels draining.
That doesn’t mean you’re failing. Or falling apart. It means you’re running an old operating system on new hardware.
“Just Pushing Through” Will Make It Worse
When this discomfort first appears, we do what we’ve always done. Double down on our efforts. Then we look for new strategies. Or try to optimise some part of ourselves to get back our motivation. We treat this as a phase we’ve just got to get through. And this makes sense. Resilience and perseverance have served us well before. But when burnout is rooted in misalignment, effort alone doesn’t resolve it. Sadly, it often amplifies the strain.
You can’t out-discipline a life that’s asking to be reconfigured.
What’s really tiring here isn’t the work itself. It’s the constant internal negotiation. The quiet self-editing. The energy spent being someone you’ve already outgrown.
A Different Way to Understand Burnout
At this stage of life, burnout is often less about depletion and more about a call to realignment.
Your values have evolved.
Your tolerance for superficiality has dropped.
Your sense of time has shifted.
You’re less interested in proving and pleasing and more interested in meaning. Less willing to carry things that don’t belong to you. When your external life doesn’t reflect that internal shift, friction is inevitable.
And that friction tends to show up as burnout.
Signs You Might Be Dealing with Misalignment, Not Overload
This kind of burnout has a particular feel to it. You might recognise some of these:
- You’re competent and effective, but no longer energised by what you do
- You feel a low-level irritability or numbness rather than acute stress
- You fantasise about change, but not necessarily about stopping altogether
- You feel strangely disconnected from successes you once wanted
- You sense there’s another way of leading or working, but can’t yet articulate it
These are not signs of weakness or decline, but signs that an old story is loosening its grip and ready to go.
So What Helps, Practically Speaking?
Realignment tends to be quieter and more intentional than burning everything down or making impulsive decisions.
Here are a few places to start.
- Notice Where You’re Running on Autopilot
Begin by paying attention to where you’re operating from habit rather than choice.
Where are you saying yes because it’s expected?
Where are you carrying responsibility that no longer feels like a true expression of you?
Where are you performing competence rather than engaging with meaning?
This isn’t about judging yourself, or making yourself wrong/feel bad. It’s about becoming conscious of the patterns that once served you and are now costing you.
- Update the Story You’re Living Inside
Ask yourself what assumptions you’re still living by?
Here are a few common ones…..
Do you believe you have to hold everything together?
That it’s safer not to want too much?
That change at this stage is too risky or indulgent?
Stories shape behaviour. If the story hasn’t been updated, your nervous system will keep pulling you back toward the familiar, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Now ask yourself, What story am I ready to release? And what wants to replace it?
- Redefine What Leadership Means to You Now
Leadership evolves. Or at least, it’s meant to because you’re evolving.
Earlier versions might have been about visibility, responsibility, and endurance. Later versions often lean toward clarity, discernment, and authenticity.
You’re allowed to lead with fewer masks. Want work that feels aligned to you, not just look impressive to others (especially others we’re supposed to please). It’s Ok to choose integrity over intensity.
This isn’t about doing less. It’s about being true to you first and then doing what’s right from there.
- Listen to the Discomfort Instead of Managing It Away
This is the part we often want to skip, because it’s uncomfortable and doesn’t come with a checklist as to how well we’re doing it.
Instead of immediately trying to fix/dismiss how you feel, stay with it and get curious about it.
What is this discomfort pointing toward?
What truth have you been postponing?
What part of you is asking to be brought back into the conversation?
Burnout, in this context, is often a threshold rather than a breakdown. A moment where the old way stops working so something more honest can emerge.
A Different Kind of Leadership Energy
When alignment starts to return, something interesting happens.
Energy comes back because there’s less internal resistance. Confidence steadies, as it’s rooted in self-trust rather than some external performance (or dog dance). Decisions feel clearer because they’re informed by who you are now, not who you had to be before.
This is the leadership many are quietly craving in midlife. One that feels grounded, spacious, and real.
If you’re feeling burned out despite doing “all the right things,” take it as an invitation to update the story you’re living inside, and allow your outer life to catch up with who you’ve already become.
A Different Way to Step Back and Recalibrate
If this resonated, what makes the biggest difference is stepping out of the noise long enough to hear yourself think again. Time to reflect without interruption, to reconnect with what matters now and the opportunity to update the internal story that’s been quietly running in the background.
I offer 1:1 leadership retreats for leaders navigating midlife transitions who want to realign their leadership with who they’ve become, not who they once needed to be.
These retreats are private, thoughtful, and grounded in real-world leadership. We work with what’s present for you – the questions, the crossroads, and the direction that’s been waiting for your attention.
If you’re curious, you can explore the details or begin with a simple conversation to see whether this is the right next step for you.